Macho Man's Mountain of Bullshit!

Sean Penn--the Ed Wood of writing

This is the worst piece of crap I've ever read. Most of my English comp students could have done much better. Hey, Sean, regarding commas: "When in doubt, leave them out." You're a hell of an actor, and you should stick to it. This "piece" is the equivalent of a "B" movie--poorly done and unintentionally funny. You should have called it "Mountain of . . ." well, you can guess the rest.

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Obama Berlin speech probably not all that great!

'A bunch of noise' to one, boring to another, ignored by the rest

German Village, Ohio--I'd been dozing during the John McCain speech here at Schmidt's Sausage Haus und Restaurant when I heard a faint, tinny sound below the drone of Candidate McCain's voice. I opened my eyes and saw the other reporter covering the event listening to something on his headphones.

"What're you listening to?" I asked.

"Obama's speech," he said.

Catch the rest of this Not-all-that-great story!
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Breck Boy busted! Exposed as rat!

Pretty-boy Edwards caught by 'Enquirer' with his pants down during late-night rendezvous with a 'real dog'!

See the rest of this story of love, betrayal, hypocrisy, bestiality, and rat-itude!

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'Nigger' off limits to whites!

Goldberg says 'nigger'

A week or two ago, the Rev. Jesse Jackson was caught by a "hot" FOX News microphone saying Barack Obama has been "telling niggers how to behave." This is what spawned The View's "nigger" discussion. In short, Jackson caused the whole "nigger" problem.

See the rest of this . . . story!

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Welcome to the Big Leagues, Asshole!

Obama campaign decries 'The New Yorker' magazine's satirical rendering as 'tasteless'

And what is it exactly about the word "satire" that has you so confused? Does it say anywhere that it's nice? Who besides you wants to see "tasteful" satire? Oh, wait, we get it now--you thought you and your big-mouthed wife were somehow off limits. . . .

See the rest of this tastefully satirical story . . . not!

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10 Predictions for the home stretch

The final months of the 2008 election season will be charged with sex and violence, making it the most interesting since '68

By Jerry Nostradamus, News Lampoon Seer

Jerry Nostradamus is a descendent of renowned seer Michel Nostradamus. Click here to see Jerry's frightening predictions!

www.newslampoon.com

Welcome back, Richard!

After completing perhaps his most challenging assignment ever, a stint in rehab following a humiliating, 4:00 a.m. methamphetamine/sex-toy bust in New York's Central Park, a rejuvenated though perhaps less-manically energetic Richard Quest is back on the job at CNN International. Congrats, Richard! We never lost faith.
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