www.newslampoon.com
By Mickey Sartre, NewsLampoon cub reporter
February 9, 2008--Emmy-winning MSNBC correspondent David Shuster implied Thursday that Chelsea Clinton is a whore being "pimped out" by her parents, Bill and Hillary Clinton.
While guest-hosting for Tucker Carlson on Carson's "Tucker" show, Shuster speculated out loud whether “Chelsea is sort of being pimped out in some weird sort of way” by "making calls" to superdelegates.
"David's going to apologize again tonight," said Jeremy Gaines, MSNBC’s vice president for media relations. Shuster had already apologized Friday morning. He has since been placed on suspension but is scheduled to begin a cross-country "apology tour" beginning Saturday.
"I'm disappointed that David would insert himself into a news story this way," said news lion Keith Olbermann, known for his objective style. "That's just basic journalism. These day you can't let your beliefs or personal opinions enter in to it, no matter how much you hate Bill O'Reilly or President Bush, or anyone."
"I'll talk with the kid," offered Morning Joe co-anchor Mika Brzezinski with her usual horse-sense. "I've taught David a lot, and I know he can recover from this. But as I told him numerous times before, one must not become part of the narrative, no matter how many layers and levels it contains. One must maintain one's objectivity and, help me with this, what's the other word I'm looking for?"
Clinton campaign spokesman Howard Wolfson said on a conference call with reporters that the comment was “disgusting” and “beneath contempt.”
"And that goes for Chris Matthews, too, " said Wolfson, still angry at Matthews for saying Mrs. Clinton's success is due to sympathy over her philandering husband's antics. "He spit on anybody lately?" Wolfson added, apparently referring to Matthews' overactive salivary glands.
But there are some who say that there may be substance to Shuster's remark.
"Chelsea's a lot like her dad," said Blake Hornsby, who claims to be a college acquaintance of Chelsea's. "But she don't give it away for free."
Senator Clinton is scheduled to appear on the upcoming February 26 debate broadcast, but Wolfson says Hillary won't be there. "We hate MSNBC," he explained.
It has been speculated, however, that this whole thing was a ploy on MSNBC's part to sabotage the debate in light of the previous yawner telecast on CNN.
"Believe me, Shuster's getting a big bonus for that comment," said an MSNBC insider. "We're hoping to get the Republicans. They've suddenly gotten a lot more interesting."
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